Starting my 4th packet at 10mg...

... So far all i have in terms of side effects is nausea... which i didn't have last time.... Ho hum.....

Day 17 - 20...

What can i say? Nothing much really is happening now... I've not got many more pills left in the packet and then i've got to hit the 10mg dose.... i suppose i will report back when that starts.

BUT - i will say this. I was upstairs in Tesco on Saturday with my mother, when she did her normal disappearing act, and i DID still get twinges of panic.... Why????? Hmmmm - not working that well just yet...

CIPRALEX - Day 16 (Pill 17). I got muddled on the vlog.

Vlog from November. Failed.



..so tried again...




And now for today's attempt..........(I cut the video short by 6 minutes because a sign in the video clearly said where i lived.... doh!)

It's Day 14...

...Gone wrong somewhere...!

Feel nothing, no better, no worse.

Day 12 ...

Uneventful....

No side effects :)

Day 11...

My fingers feel like pins and needles, my face feels numb, i have jaw ache, bottom of my foot/leg is buzzing and i woke up with excruciating neck/back pain, so bad that couldn't move my neck left or right. :(

Feel a little depressed today, i had a cry earlier on watching Sex and the City... I was glad to see my emotions haven't completely been numbed.

I have worked out that taking diazepam gives me a headache.

Day 10...

Um...Lets see.....

I noticed this morning that immediately from waking up this morning i actually feel like i have had a good nights sleep... It's 2 hours on and i am feeling sleeeeepy again!!!

Don't feel anything today - a bit blah but thats about it....
I spoke to my GP yesterday and he said i have got to stay at 5mg for 6 weeks, so hopefully come 6 weeks we can notice some change in me, otherwise this is a waste of time!!!!!!

Day 9....

I have forgotten ONE big change in me, and that is my lack of patience ... EVEN MORE SO THAN NORMAL.....

Right, how am i feeling today? I'm okay at THIS minute in time, it is only early... I am having some breathing issues, like i can't get a deep breath, i associate that with anxiety, but how am i anxious? I don't feel THAT anxious at the moment....

I didn't sleep well last night, i had the BF here and he had a bad night, so i am pretty tired this morning. I just need to have a LONG soak in the bath and relax... That sounds good to me :)

Day 8..

Don't really think i have any 'side effects' going on apart from visual disturbances.
I'm no where near mended that's for sure.
I STILL have horrible horrible symptoms of my *illness*......
That's it... :)


Gagging for a brandy................................

Day 7.... ONE WEEK - (Pill 8 tonight)

How do i feel today....?

Well... no longer afraid to be alone, so thats a bonus. I have got up, done my hair, put a little make-up on (cover up actually), and sitting back in bed - not so good.

Tiredness... kind of there, didn't sleep too well last night though.
Dark circles under my eyes are not quite as dark :)
I am still having some visual disturbances...
Mood, so/so

Out of 10 i am feeling 5.....

Day 6...

Fuck off day 6.

Woke up with a horrible feeling of 'doom', you know the one... like something bad is going to happen! Ugh, not the best start. I still have the numb right side of my face, well... when i say it's numb, i can feel it when i pinch it, but it has a weird sensation on it.... its just odd. My lips are still burning and my body is still vibrating. I am beginning to think that this isn't all anxiety and in fact there IS something wrong with me.... Tiredness not so bad, headache, not too bad, floaters, not too bad either....

Keep at it Sarah.......

Day 5...

Weirdness.

Blurred vision - check.
A gazillion floaters - check.
Burning lips - Check
Numb right side of face - Check
Tired - Check
Feel any better - nope.
Anxiety - Check

Day 4...

Hmm... Interesting today. I feel anxious, not badly anxious, just enough to know it's there. My leg is still buzzing, but i KNOW there is nothing wrong, the doctor stuck a needle right in the place where it feels funny, so i'm going to have to put it down to 'nerves/anxiety'. I have managed to do the ironing, hoover and dust, so that's pretty amazing... PLUS i have been up town. So yeah. My sidies today are blurred vision which apparently is normal, so i'll just have to get on with that as well. I'm sleepy, but nothing like yesterday despite not sleeping well last night at all. Not a bad day so far today. I am on my own for the first time in over a week too and i am feeling good(ish)....

Day 3..

Took my 3rd pill last night... and this morning i am not feeling good at all. Very anxious, air hunger and still stupidly tired. I'm thinking i might have to take a diazepam to get me through this day.... :(

UPDATED...

This day got SO much worse. Panic attack - check. Hyperventilating - Check. Pins and needles in fingers - Check. Headache - Check. Looking like a pasty pale freak with really bad hair - Check. Shaking/trembling/vibrations - Check.

One diazepam and a couple of squirts of rescue remedy later, i am just in time to take my next pill - Fantastic!!!

Day 2 on my Cipralex..

... Still taking it at night and all i can say is..........SLEEEEEEEEPY! O.M.Gosh. I am SO tired it's not even funny... Functioning sleepwalker that's what i am. I can't imagine what would happen if i took it in the morning, i would be not functioning AT ALL, however, i am sticking with it. I have also noticed a slight nauseous feeling, very slight, just a tad queasy every now and then... but definitely the tiredness is what is getting to me the most.

Chin up.

BTW... All the buzzing/twitching and other horrible symptoms are STILL with me.... They've not gone yet.

Day One...

Took one 5mg pill last night. Didn't feel anything to be honest immediately, but i DID feel my lips were burning... a strange sensation, whether it had anything to do with the pill, i don't know. I slept from 11.30pm - 2.30am and then from 2.45am - 6.45am, so not a bad night sleep considering i've not slept in weeks.

Today i feel EXHAUSTED which is not unusual for me, but this a little more than tired, i can't move. I've had weird pains here and there and my lips are still burning slightly, but that's about it for now.

My journey...

It all started a long long time ago (24 years ago with the eating disorder and 14 years ago this year with all the other mental health problems) and i do believe that i finally hit that place called *rock bottom* as i sat in my front room a few nights ago rocking back and forth scratching my skin to shreds..after drinking copious amounts of brandy and not eating.

I have a *few* issues, agoraphobia, panic, anxiety and more recently, health anxiety. Agoraphobia is so bad i can't leave the house alone, so pretty shitty. The anxiety is at a constant, meaning it's constantly there, and panic attacks do still happen... Health anxiety is what nearly put me in the mental hospital a few days ago... so that WAS bad....

I knew i HAD to help myself this time, otherwise, i was going to end up one place and that was being sectioned, so this is my journey on Cipralex.